


Despite Everything

by Nebulad



Series: To Live Without Fear [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-07-11 02:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7022689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nebulad/pseuds/Nebulad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kissing him in the Fade had been an act of rebellion. It’d been her choosing something that she knew Dashana would disapprove of. Solas was someone that she wanted to know on a level that she wasn’t sure he would ever allow her, and he hadn’t but she’d stubbornly kept at it because she’d hoped that although it wasn’t the relationship she wanted, some day it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Despite Everything

Thinking back, Saevin wished she hadn’t given in to impulse and kissed Solas in the Fade. It was the action of someone…. vulnerable. She’d _been_ vulnerable, afraid and alone and lucky to be alive. The family that resented her was putting up little effort to contact or protect her, the elves were either Andrastians that were afraid of her or a few scattered Dalish who thought she was a traitor, no one was interested in learning about her or her people and…

Solas had been convenient.

Solas’ pride had started to look a little like wisdom.

Solas spoke her language and sometimes when he looked at her she thought she saw more curiosity than resentment. She’d thought he’d disparaged her people because he didn’t understand them, because he’d met with one of the nastier clans, because he was too wounded to look at the world around him. She made it her job to teach him, to be patient and let him see on his own that she wasn’t an exceptional Dalish— and he never did, he never truly learned and he never bothered to try and respect her and her family. She’d never forced him to either, so was that her fault?

Kissing him in the Fade had been an act of rebellion. It’d been her choosing something that she knew Dashana would disapprove of. Solas was someone that she wanted to know on a level that she wasn’t sure he would ever allow her, and he hadn’t but she’d stubbornly kept at it because she’d hoped that although it wasn’t the relationship she wanted, some day it would be.

The kiss had led into all sorts of nasty things. He avoided her for a while afterwards, and she wondered if she had made a mistake and ruined the opportunity entirely by being stupid and rash. He let her kiss him again on the balcony, and her heart had clawed its way into her throat because he was warm and wise and almost everything she’d wanted him to be. He was standoffish, with occasional bouts of romance enough to remind her that they were in a relationship. _My heart,_ and _vhenan,_ and _thank-you for seeing me for me instead of the pointed ears that I hate on everyone but me;_ dancing at Halamshiral on the balcony, reaching out for her as she fell in Adamant, calling for her after she’d taken the Well of Sorrows into herself…

Scolding her like a child for choosing to take it instead of handing it over to a _shem_ she didn’t know or trust. Praising her when she agreed with him, like when she’d encouraged Cole to forgive the pain inside of him and forgive the Templar who’d killed him. He could swing from hot to cold, from inviting to standoffish, from her being confident that he loved her to her standing alone in Crestwood and wondering what she’d done to upset him.

When she’d kissed Abelas the first time, after Solas had gone and the Dread Wolf had returned, she wondered if she would come to regret that as well. Despite everything, she found that she was willing to take that risk again.

**Author's Note:**

> "Was it hard to not tag this as 'bad romance'?" borderline fucking impossible. also I know I overtagged Lavellan but I am nothing if not thorough. [My writing blog is here](http://nebulaad.tumblr.com) for even more extra nonsense. And I know I'm harping on Solas but I spent a lot of energy on the romance that I eventually gave up on so I mean. I want it to make absolute sense in the general timeline of things where Saevin left him.


End file.
